The past few weeks I have been experiencing a loss that I've never had before. There is a big open hole in my heart that is empty and it hurts. It's healing inch by inch each week but there are moments when I think of my best buddy and my heart just hurts. We lost our dog Brody on Easter evening March 31st, 2013. He was my bud. I adopted him 10 years ago in Boulder, Colorado. I was 24 at the time and volunteering at humane societies along the Front Range of Colorado. I was single, spent most of my time hiking, skiing and working. I lived alone and felt it was time to add a dog to my single life. I decided to volunteer to walk and wash dogs at humane societies. During my time doing this, I came along a yellow lab named Charlie. We bonded instantly. That same day I adopted him. Drove him home and that night we took a walk through the snow and decided he needed a new identity. His name would be Brody. Brody and I spent our nights taking walk and cuddling up on the couch and weekends, hiking and road tripping around the Colorado mountains. He never sat in the backseat, he always sat in my front seat of my Explore. I always had to apologize for his hair if a friend sat in the front seat, but I didn't care. He was my bud, my companion, my best friend. We would visit Pearl Street on Saturday's in the spring and sumer, walking along the streets of Boulder, then hiking one of the mountains in the Front Range, then back down to Boulder for dinner on a patio with friends. He was always there with me, laying on the concerte barking at dogs that walked by. Brody had a little white spot on his nose, it was his little birth mark. One early summer morning we went hiking and a little girl asked to pet him. I said sure, then she said, "mom look, that dog is wearing sunscreen." I laughed the whole way up the mountain, I still laugh about it now. He had been hiking, snowshoeing, and biking with me. It was time he hiked a 14er. Colorado has 54 14,000 feet mountains and this was something I set out to do every summer. Climb one or two and knock them off my list. I asked Brody are you ready to climb one with me? So one early morning around 4am we set off to climb
Mt. Bierstadt. He was a trooper, climbed that mountain without any troubles. Pulled me up the summit through the snow. We ate lunch at the top, then turned around and headed back down. He pulled so hard, that I had to let him go in safety for myself. He ran the whole way down, almost knocking climbers with weak tired legs over. I remember I kept yelling, "Brody, slow down, slow down Brody". Then apologizing to all the people he almost knocked over. I told them, he's just excited he climbed his first 14er today.
Next Casey enters our lives. Brody's first reaction? Pee's on Casey. Casey was wrestling with him and next thing you know, Casey's yelling out, he's peeing on me. I'm laughing as I type this. This is Casey and my 2nd date and here my dog is pee'ing all over my date. I thought, wow this second date is going to be my last, but Casey took it with good spirit. We always said Brody was marking his territory, guess he liked him. Casey and Brody grew their relationship and we enjoyed taking him up to Casey's parents house where Brody would sit on the front porch in the sun, watching everyone walk by. When we got married, we had to leave Brody at our neighbors house. The hotel we got married at didn't except dogs. Our neighbor watched Brody and next thing you know, he chewed through their fence and got out. He was sitting on our driveway when we got home. I knew he was mad that he couldn't be there for us on this important day. He should have been right there next to us when we said our vows.
Next we move to Georgia. Brody sat next to me while we drove across the plans into the South. We arrived and the next night experienced Brody's first thunderstorm (thunder is rare in Colorado). For those of you that live in the South you know how powerful and loud the thunder is here. Brody jumped up on the bed and became a thunderstorm pillow sleeper. Yep, every thunderstorm we had Brody sleeping on the top of our pillows. Now a family of three we took Brody hiking all through Georgia, made it a ritual of Saturday morning hikes and farmers market. He sat on the concrete while we ate pizza at Marietta Pizza Company and then spent the afternoons relaxing in the sun on our deck. He even had his own window. We could crack the window and he'd lay there next to the window, with his chin on the window seal, relaxing and feeling the breeze. He loved to swim in the lakes, he could swim for hours. We decided to plan our next vacation around a beach that would accept dogs. So we traveled down to Cape San Blas, FL and let Brody see the beach and ocean for the first time. He was a little unsure of the ocean at first, but then it became his playground. I honestly can say that the beach day was the happiest day of his life. He smiled from cheek to cheek while his tongue flopped all over the place. He then slept the rest of the afternoon.
Fast forward we find out we are pregnant and as my belly became bigger, it also became Brody's resting spot. Once Easton arrived, Brody became very protective of us. He wasn't sure who this little guy was, but he knew he loved him. I still think to this day he had a hard time knowing he wasn't the baby anymore. Easton loved, Brody. He would pet him, pull his hair and towards the last couple of months, they would stand face to face just looking at each other. Brody became more tolerant of him in the last couple of months. I feel that they spoke to each other on another level. Brody gave E some insight into our lives. Now Easton sits at Brody's window, playing trucks, feeling the breeze go through his hair. This only started happening the week before Brody passed. I feel like Brody said to Easton, you can have my window now.
Brody started to cough. At first I thought it was allergies, he seemed to always get at cough around this time of the year in GA. But his cough continued. We took him to the vet and after two sets of X-rays and an ultrasound they still did not know what was wrong with him. The Dr. thought it might be lung cancer. We did a small biopsy of a cyst in his tummy and it came back non cancerous. At the same time his cough was getting worse and worse. In the X-rays of his lungs there were white spots all over his lungs, which the Dr. had a good feeling it was cancer. I slept on the floor with Brody for the last week and a half. I didn't want to be apart from him for one second. I knew he was sick and I knew he would be right by myself if I were sick. On Saturday night, he couldn't lay down. It put too much pressure on his lung, where it was not comfortable to lay down. He stood the entire night, he never slept. He stopped eating and we knew that the time was coming closer when we would have to say good bye. Sunday morning, Casey and I looked at each other and knew, this would be the last day with our bubba. We decided to make the best of it. I took him on a walk earlier that morning and he did okay. We decided to take him on one last hike, to the spot we would take him almost every week. Casey put Easton in the baby-pack, and I walked Brody as we held hands tightly. It was hard, but good at the same time. I knew we were doing exactly what we needed to do. We couldn't hike long, but we hiked as far as we could that day. We turned around to head back and we let Brody off his leash. He walked slowly on the path next to me as we went along our hike for the last time. I took some pictures, as he smiled. He was so photogenic. He knew and I knew as we gazed into each others eyes. It was Easter Sunday and the Dr. couldn't get us in until 7pm. So we made sure we spent quality time together. Many tummy rubs, sunbathing on the deck, sitting at his window together. I won't go on - the details after this point are ones you probably don't want to hear and I honestly don't want to write about them on here.
All the good times have flooded my brain and I think about them all of the time. But the hole is still there in my heart. I'm taking my time to heal. I'm feeling the greif, instead of fleeing the moment and thinking of other things. I'm taking time to feel this loss. I honestly think Yoga has helped me as yoga helps you live in your body with your emotions. It's helped me feel the grief stronger. You're probably thinking, why do you want to do that? I know this is a process that I will need to go through. I can experience it now or later down the road. I can't change the loss but I can transform myself. Transformation is the key, and Brody changed my life in so many ways. The greif is teaching me how to move forward to acceptance. How to cherish all of those memories I have of him. I have noticed that I've isolated myself a bit; the first week I did not take calls unless they were from family. I stayed to myself. The second week I called some close friends back, I took a yoga class, I met a friend for lunch. Each week gets a tiny bit easier, but I still have a long ways to go.
Brody had many nicknames - Bubba, Bubs, Bubalini, Toby, Coby, Tobias Jones, Brodsters, Bo, Bro and he answered to all of them.
What Brody taught us:
Enjoy the breeze
Sit in the sun
Lay in the grass
Enjoy walks
Take hikes
Swim in a cold lake
Frosty Paws (ice cream for dogs) are a dogs favorite treat
Sit by a window and feel the breeze
When your scared cuddle up
Get off technology and spend quality time together (he would knock our phones or laptops out of the way with his nose)
Enjoy the ride
Be yourself
Love everyone
Give everyone a chance
Give hugs (he knew how to give hugs)
Ask for back rubs (he loved these)
Smell the flowers
Play in the water
Smile
Always kiss and say goodnight
Trust in the process of life
There were many more memories and lessons that he gave us in his short life. He was the best dog in the world. He was my best friend who was always there for me and our family no matter what. Nothing will replace him and it will take a long time for our hearts to heal but in the mean time we will cherish all of the memories and gifts that he gave us on this beautiful journey.
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